


Holding On

by SilasSolarius



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:07:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25661830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilasSolarius/pseuds/SilasSolarius
Summary: He just had to wait a little while longer. Just a little while longer.-OR-Klaus is trying to hold himself together until he can grieve alone, but an unexpected surprised when they arrive back to 2019 may shatter what little composure he’d managed to hold on to.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 5
Kudos: 257





	Holding On

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2 broke me. My heart was not prepared for the Hargreeves.

Ben died when they were sixteen.

Even after all the drugs, all the alcohol, the time travel, the _war_ , this is his clearest memory. He remembers going on the mission, one of the few in their teen years that he'd been forced to go on, and the last one he'd ever gone on. Remembered laughing with Ben on the way there, trying to get his brother to smile as the tension in the other boy continued to rise as they got closer to their destination. That last smile before it was time to focus and they were split up. Standing lookout as the others took down the bad guys.

But worst of all, he remembered turning away to check on his siblings just in time to watch his closest brother be torn apart.

He remembered screaming Ben's name as blood exploded from his brother, his _best friend_ , the horrors contained inside the other literally destroying him as they tried to escape, those same creatures dying as their host did.

Remembered abandoning his post and fighting his way through his siblings to get to his brother who was so _still_ , tentacles and all.

He remembered feeling numb on the ride home, the way Ben's blood had soaked his uniform and stained his hands.

He even remembered the numbness wearing off and being replaced with pure desperation to be numb once more, for it all to be a bad trip from all the drugs he's been taking. Remembered getting so high he barely remembered his own name, the day before the funeral because he _couldn't_.

He couldn't lose Ben.

After the funeral, he remembered forcing himself to use his powers, forcing himself to tap into the part of himself he had always desperately avoided because _he couldn't lose Ben._

Remembered the nauseating mix of grief and guilt and relief that had overtaken him when his brother's ghost appeared, because Ben came back.

He was still there.

It was the only reason he'd managed not to cry.

And yet-

That wouldn't be the case this time.

This time, Ben was really gone.

He'd- he'd actually left him behind.

It was only the presence of his other siblings that kept him from breaking. He couldn't, _wouldn't_ , not in front of them.

Never in front of them.

So, he did what he did best.

He held it in, forcing himself to focus on the present and the commission. On Vanya's second near-miss apocalypse and the collapse of her life with her almost-wife and their kid. Focused on the creepy women intent on Diego and Five, on doing what his siblings said and being where they needed him, anything to ignore the silence that had never been there.

The lack of sarcastic commentary and pestering, hell even the inside jokes, it all hurt and he couldn't afford to think about it. Not yet.

He just had to hold it in a little bit longer.

A.

Little.

While.

Longer.

_Please._

Gathering with his siblings in a circle he steeled his nerves in preparation for the jump they were making and then in a whirl of blue light…they were gone.

They landed in the foyer.

A.

Little.

While.

Longer.

Just-

_Please._

His hands trembled the emotions threatening to overwhelm him, but Klaus- well he'd been hiding from his emotions and forcing them down far longer than he'd ever done anything else. So, he clenched his fists, and hid them in the pockets of his jacket, pasting a wide smile on, hoping they'd all get annoyed and leave him alone.

Babbling something about needing a drink, making a joke about getting high and they all rolled their eyes, seemingly ready to do just that but then-

"Really, Klaus?"

He froze.

 _They_ froze, all of them turning as one and-

He was _there_.

Sure, their _dear_ father stood just behind him, lips turned down in just as severe a frown as usual, but Ben-

He looked-

He looked _alive_.

He looked his correct age, the beginnings of a goatee ghosting his face, his hair neatly trimmed and-

_He was still wearing that fucking hoodie._

He couldn't stop it.

He-

He couldn't-

The sob escaped and his eyes widened, one hand going up to cover his mouth when all of his siblings turned to him because they weren't supposed to hear that. They weren't supposed to-

Another one, this one muffled by his hand, even as it shook his entire frame, and panic surged through him because he hadn't-

He hadn't seriously cried in front of anyone but Ben since he was a child. He couldn't-

A pair of arms wrapped around him and he was distantly aware that Ben wasn't next to Hargreeves anymore. In fact, though they were warmer than they'd been in almost two decades, he knew for a fact it was his arms holding him.

"I'm sorry." The former ghost whispered, voice gentler than it had been while talking to him in a very long time.

He turned, removing his hand from his mouth to wind them around his brother and they he just-

_Shattered._

He sobbed harshly, his masks and dams falling in a way he'd never allowed them too when surrounded by his siblings, his heart clenching in his chest because how was this possible.

_How?_

"H-How?" He finally rasped, pulling away with a sniffle and the other snorted.

"Turns out She didn't want me anymore than She wants you. Said I keep you out of trouble and from visiting too often."

He sputtered out a broken chuckle, resting his head on his brother's shoulder, jolting as another set of arms wound around him.

Then another.

And _another_.

"Thanks guys." Ben murmured and he grunted, tightening his grip on the other once more.

"I would've pulled you back again." He confessed near silently and his brother's tenant rumbled.

"We would've answered."


End file.
